3 Years

17 Jun

JaneJune 15 marked the 3rd year since Mom was senselessly taken from her family and friends. It is hard to believe it has been 3 years, then again, it still feels like it happened this morning. It is still devastating to think that an individual who was so greedy and selfish thought he could take her life. He ended up taking more than just that…he took her away from being an incredible part in her family and friends day-to-day experiences, growth, celebrations, and even the hard times.
Mom was always a voice of reason, good and encouraging advice giver, a wonderful example set for us all, a faithful follower, and the biggest cheerleader I ever knew!
I miss her and recall daily conversations with her. I hear her voice saying things…some of her expressions, visualizing her facial expressions and mannerisms…I sure do miss those things!
Life is different for sure, it is not better without her, there are just some days it is empty without her here. We do go on and make the best of each day and focus on the strength and joy that our Lord, Jesus Christ gives us. A wonderful provision he has offered to us. He knows the pain and the emptiness we still feel. He knows the comfort to place within our souls! He knows the frustration, the disappointment, the questions we still have.
I still get so aggravated this all happened, that we didn’t get to grieve normally, we didn’t get to say goodbye. Instead, we were forced to jump right in, without a net-or our mother, to the ridiculousness of what happened. The murderer, totally a ridiculous person. To this day, I am thankful for the conviction and the sentencing he received.
Still, in all the frustration and disappointment, I see love and clarity through those people who have carried us on every step, high-on their shoulders and heart. I recount often those who were with us from the very beginning and are still with us, praying and supporting us. The love of these is amazing in itself and I am thankful and humbly gracious. Please know you and your kindness will remain close to my heart and moves me every time of I think of you collectively and individually. I know too, your heart still aches and I pray for you too!
Thank you for your love for Mom and for all of us!

Jennifer

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5 Responses to “3 Years”

  1. Krista Schaafsma June 17, 2014 at 8:57 pm #

    Dear Jennifer,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about your mom. I wish I could have met her. We support you with our prayers and thoughts. May God’s peace carry you through these anniversaries as you look back. And may His hope make the years ahead easier for you, your family and friends as they live without your dear Mother.

    Love,
    Krista & Tim

    • justiceforjane June 19, 2014 at 5:30 pm #

      Thank you Krista and Tim. You have such a tender heart, Mom would have loved that about you!

  2. Bonnie Baker June 20, 2014 at 12:18 am #

    Jennifer,

    How much your story has touched my heart, I am blessed to know you and to have an opportunity to be renewed by your faith. Peace is an incredibly hard thing to feel after such a devastating end to your mother’s life and yet, God gives us that gift. It is the faith that we have in Him that allows us to move forward and to continue to live our life. How very proud your mother would be of you and I know you will see her again. Missing your mother is a testimony to what a wonderful person she must have been and how much she added to your life. I know, as we discussed, what it’s like to miss your mother…and to not have had the chance to embrace her and say goodbye. It is like a missing piece in our life that can never be replaced. I don’t think it should be replaced, just understood. Each year I look for those special roses in my yard, when they bloom I think of my mom. Her birthday was June 21st, this year she would have been 81…like you, I miss her. It will be a day I will speak out loud to her, shed a few tears in memory and praise God because I know she is without pain or worry, that she dwells with him in a perfect body and that I will see her again. I know without a doubt, she knows how very much I miss her and love her to this very day. Your mother feels and knows the same Jennifer.

    Bonnie

    • justiceforjane September 11, 2014 at 3:43 am #

      Bonnie, my apologies for just now responding. What an angel you are with your sweet, compassionate words and thoughts. I knew, no matter how we came together, we connected and shared special feelings and expressions about our moms! Indeed, more special and precious are out moms . You are a comfort and encouragement ! Thank you for feeing with me, for me and my friend and colleague! Much love to you Bonnie and I pray for Hod’s deep and ever sweet blessings be in your heart on always in you! My love!!!

      • justiceforjane September 11, 2014 at 3:46 am #

        Sorry for the few typos…our moms, being with me, pray for God ‘s deep..,sorry!

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